XOXO, MATH

I’m happy you’re here! I created this blog to document my journey in re-learning math and to inspire people that they too can go far in mathematics. But before I get into that, I want to share the beginning of my math story because it plays a huge part in my story.

As a kid, I struggled a lot with math. I believe this was due to not getting a proper introduction to math in elementary school (we all know math builds upon itself, so if you have a shaky foundation it will make learning advanced math more difficult). Looking back it’s no wonder my distaste for math began at an early age. My earliest math memories are filled with adults getting frustrated because I wasn’t understanding math as easily or as quickly as I should have been. I have numerous memories of adults furiously erasing my wrong math answers and re-writing problems with a “I can’t believe you aren’t understanding this, are you stupid” tone, which made sensitive little me not feel so great about myself and in turn not feel so good about math. To this day I use pen instead of pencil to do math problems due to the anxiety surrounding doing math problems with pencil and paper. 

In middle school teachers and tutors told my parents I was lacking in the fundamentals, no surprise there. This was true but also a problem because my poor foundational math skills made learning middle and high school math a challenge. I remember a lot embarrassment and anxiety surrounding math during this time. What made this all worse was I grew up in the U.S. during a time where the message “girls just aren’t good at math” was common, a message I unfortunately internalized as a young adult. I accepted my fate and thought that was that. The last math class I ever took was freshman college algebra. 

I really wish math was introduced to me in a different way as a child, because perhaps I would not have hated math so much had I developed a good relationship with math. I don’t believe my childhood math struggles were due to me not having some magical natural ability to understand math. I strongly believe that kids can not only learn math, but truly understand it. With patient and effective teaching, along with consistent practice, most kids can excel in math—just like they would when learning to play the violin or soccer.

Fast forward to today, I have became deeply curious about math.  You could even say I love it. I think there is a lot of beauty in the language of math. I find math books so fascinating even though I have no idea what they’re talking about. I like to read news about math, read books and news about smart women, watch movies involving smart women, and follow people’s journeys in math and science on social media. So it’s not a surprise that I’ve recently thought that if they can learn it, why can’t I? I want to learn math so well that I open even more doors for myself. And at this point in my life I have the free time to learn what I want to learn and how I want to learn, with no constipated math teacher looming over my shoulder. I can learn for fun, for knowledge, for my future. So why not. 

I’m sure in some way, what plays a large part in my pursuit of math is my unhealthy (?) desire to prove to myself that I am smart, and that I can become good at higher math despite my past, and that I can love math if I want to. And that’s ok. In a way I am healing my inner self through mathematics. And if along the way I can inspire the little girls in my life that they too can be good at math, I will be one happy camper.

So here I am, at the very beginning of my math journey. Who knows where it will lead me but I am all for it. If you made it this far, thanks for reading — I appreciate you being here!

Mathfully yours,

math girl